Instead of New Year’s resolutions we should just try trutholutions for 2017. I’ll start. It’ll be cathartic.

*Coffee will continue to be a needed part of my morning routine. Green tea is not going to cut it.

*I will continue yelling at my kids when I get frustrated and therefore I will continue feeling somewhat bad about my ability to control myself under pressure.

*My current level of cleanliness as it refers to my house will continue to be subpar.

*My current level of cleanliness as it refers to my showering will continue to be as needed.

*The high bun and ponytail will continue to be my hairstyle of choice due to the necessary amount of time it takes for me to blow dry and style my hair, and my unwillingness to devote said time to it.

*Dishes will continue to sit in my sink overnight as I am unwilling to prioritize them above my nightly television viewing.

*My love for devil dogs and ice cream will continue to be my nightly snack.

*I will not meet new friends and form meaningful friendships as I had planned. Instead I will continue to barely maintain my current lot of friends.

*I will not have more dinner parties and entertain company as I had fantasized about in 2016. Instead, I will continue to fantasize about it and take my Martha Stewart complex to a whole new level.

*I will not make cute lunches for my son with a variety of fruits, veggies, and protein cut into shapes. I will continue to pack the same peanut butter and jelly sandwich day after day.

*My reading will continue to be children’s books and as much of a magazine as I can read while waiting in the check-out line.

*Exercising will continue to mean doing some leg lifts a few times as I lay on the couch and watch television.

*Playing with my kids will continue to mean watching them play with each other.

*I will start and quickly stop writing in a daily journal.

*Pampering myself more will continue to mean using our garden tub to bathe the children and going grocery shopping alone.

*Date night will continue being visiting Home Depot and planning out what we will do if we ever win the lottery.

*Eating healthy will continue to mean drinking soda out of the tiny cans instead of the large ones.

Orginially appeared on Hahas for Hoohas http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/new-years-trutholutions-2017-real-resolutions-humor.