After turning off my 5 am alarm four times, I finally got my tired butt out of my son's bed.

Per usual, he woke up sometime in the middle of the night,

came to get me,

and I brought him back to his bed and laid with him there.

Around 5:45 am, I got myself dressed and sat down to read a page of two from one of my early-on pandemic purchases

— a daily devotional.

I'm not a suppppper religious person, in that I

don't go to church regularly,

read the Bible,

quote scripture,

or pray before meals.

But I am a believer.

I absolutely

know there is a God,

trust he's watching over my husband, and I and the kids,

and I have faith that there is a bit of divine intervention that plays out in our every day

and, of course, an accompanying lesson.

With this coronavirus nonsense, it's hard for me to make sense of how such a devastating and ultimately dividing pandemic could be good or positively transformative for anyone.

And there's no doubt that pandemic life is hard on those with kids. It's hard on the kidless too, absolutely, and kids themselves, but I feel it to be especially hard on those of us with

mini,

impressionable,

and generally social humans who want nothing more than to

go to school,

see their friends,

play group sports,

gather for gatherings,

and hug all over those they love.

Nowadays, each day presents its own challenges, from

working at home,

to educating at home,

to working and educating from home,

to maintaining that home,

and still finding time to get everyone outside for some exercise and get in some time for self-care.

Some days I wake up and feel defeated before anyone else has even woken up.

Other days I rise and feel not so heavy and ready to be the light in the dark for those I love so gosh darn much.

There's no telling which side of the bed any of us will wake up on a given day,
but we can tell ourselves that no matter our initial mood and demeanor, we have control of whether that

fretful,

anxiety-ridden,

and overwhelmed face must stick around,

or if we want to turn it and ourselves around.

Yesterday was a hard day, and I just

sat in the hard,

soaked it up,

cloaked myself in it,

and let my stinky attitude rub off on others in my home.

Today has been a much a better day, and the only thing I can think of as the reason for such is that I decided it would be.

Every day we have a choice, and I'm choosing to

not be afraid,

not fear failing,

remember that God is my safety net

and live in the present, accepting things exactly as they are.

This thinking is not for everyone. I get that.

Some days it won't be for me either.

But today it is, and today, I'm

happy,

grateful,

hopeful,

and optimistic.