I don’t have babies anymore.

It’s a thought that choked me up yesterday.

My husband and I do not have plans for more children, and, if I’m honest, the fleeting smallness in our home sometimes cripples me emotionally.

For as much as I enjoy an organized home, I miss cleaning endless curiosity.

For as much as I enjoy a longer night’s sleep, I miss cradling a little body in the dark.

For as much as I enjoy my children’s growing independence, I miss being trusted for all things.

Because the truth is this:

There is no baby shower, no sea of gifts, and no meal train that prepares you for this season of motherhood. The letting go of the little years.

Just yesterday, my daughter started an argument about planets.

Just this morning, my son read me a book about soccer…entirely on his own.

And I realize that we’re there.

But for all the heartaches and longing, this is the peace that carries me through a season of emotional new beginnings:

Our precious babies have become beautiful children.

And though their bodies and minds may change, their hearts will always need our love.

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