Dear Sweet Girl,

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be sad that our days of breastfeeding are coming to an end, I would have said you were crazy.

Beyond crazy...maybe even certifiable! In the beginning, breastfeeding was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced in my life. We cried together in the middle of the living room late into the night. I was so sore I could hardly think straight and you were just so hungry. We fought through complications and I came so close to giving up, but we stuck through those first few weeks and it eventually became a little easier. Then it became normal and now it is one of the most treasured parts of my day.

I love that I'm the first person you want to see as soon as you wake up. I love that you lunge for me as soon as I'm within arms reach. I love that you know our special place with our special pillow that means your are going to get milk. I love that sometimes you stroke the back of my hand as you get sleepy after a long day of playing hard. I even love it when you reach for my hair or my face when I'm not paying enough attention to you.

Until now, I have been able to sustain your life with my body. I was designed specifically to give you this milk that was so perfectly created just for you in your current stage of life. We were connected in a special way because I was the only one who could provide this life-giving milk for you.

Now you are getting busier and it just takes too long to breastfeed. How can a girl that can crawl all over the room and up the stairs be expected to sit still for 20 minutes to eat? I can feel you telling me, "Don't you know I have places to be, things to explore, and cheerios to eat, momma!?" I have been noticing that our time in that special place with that special pillow has been getting shorter and shorter each day.

There are plenty of things to be excited about as you grow up - right now you are so giggly and fun. In fact, I think this is my favorite age so far (your daddy will tell you that I say that at every age).

But tonight, I am grieving the loss of something that has been a huge part of our relationship and a major part of my identity for the last year. We still have a few more days, maybe even a few more weeks if I'm lucky. But I know that these last few precious days are just for me to enjoy. I know you're ready to move on, but tonight I am going to hold on a little tighter and probably shed a tear or two as I cherish our last few days of breastfeeding.

Love you forever and more,

Your Mom