We are continuing our 10 Days of Connecting With Your Child Series
Around this time last year I was having the most difficult time in my relationship with my oldest son.
To say we were in crisis would be accurately describing it.
I had tried all the ways I knew how to motivate him to do what I thought was best and had failed.
Yeah, did you catch that?
Our interactions became so stressful. He was frustrated and I was unyielding.
I didn't know what else to do (punishment, positive motivation, prayer).
Have you been there?
A dear friend rescued me.
Aware that I was going through this, she showed up on my doorsteps, un-announced, during one of my desperate attempts to fix it all, one day.
I am so grateful I have beautiful amazing friends to grow wise with, as we wing this Mom gig together. Cherish those friends in your lives, be that friend, dear Moms!
Her visit was a turning point for me (because I don't wanna call it an intervention).
I realized my son's love language is what I needed to KNOW and LIVE OUT if I wanted to reach him. Yes, I heard it straight from him.
Knowing this and taking action has been transformative. [read some of my other Connecting With Your Child posts for more on this.]
Then just last month, I found something that perfectly fits his love language.
I've known that my son always saves every little note I write to him.
He hangs on to every heart shaped post-it that I stick on his laptop screen.
But I was not prepared for this.
I read through the journal and decided to introduce it to him and start using it this week. Honestly, I just hoped I could keep it together and not bawl through every page I wrote or read.
We've done four pages.
So far just ONE page lacked bawling. The other three, forgetttaboutit.
Katie Clemons, a brilliant author and mom herself, created this journal so Mom and Child can record memories together, swap stories, compare perspectives and explore common and unique interests. Letters back and forth and interactive lists invite you both to reflect, write, and doodle about topics timely to your life as your son builds self-confidence.
The intro has a Mom's Perspective note with great ideas on how to implement this.
I love that Katie writes, "...boys can also feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to share intimate things aloud --like "hey Mom, I have armpit hair now!"
I laughed and imagined that type of randomness out of my son making its way into our journal...which of course, I would be totally open to! Of course. [Putting in my request now for Katie to work on a Dad and Son Journal next, please and thank you!]
Here are some inside pages where you can see some of what you and your son will be writing/drawing:
Katie also has a NEWLY Released Mom & Daughter Journal, called Love, Mom and Me.
Besides the writing itself, my son's other favorite part of this is that we get to pick a special spot (read: no little brother meddling) where we place the journal in order to pass it back and forth when we're done with our entries. We decided that when he finishes writing his page he places it in between the stack of books on my night stand. When I finish reading what he wrote and replying, I place it in between the stack of books next to his bed, too!
See it there, three books down from Luke Skywalker? Yellow pencil tucked into his page?
Guess what is the first thing he does when he wakes up in the mornings?
Twice now he came running to wake me up and I got the best, most heartfelt I-love-you with a hug. But the first time it was followed by some eye-opening, heartrending words. After hugging me, he said:
"I always knew you loved me, but it makes me feel loved
when I read all of that and know that you took time to write it, not just say it."
Seriously, people. Am I just too busy or caught up in the days that I couldn't see this before???
Yes, since my last stress crisis, I had definitely slowed down from the frantic scheduling and accomplishment-driven mode in hyper academics, volunteering commitments, and everything else in between, BUT I had NOT taken that very same energy and determination to focus on the heart matters. I had NOT given it priority.
Have you been there?
If I would prioritize tending to his heart
as much as I prioritize tending to his
academics, his sports, his extracurricular, his faith, his volunteering, his social life...
The journal is not just back and forth individual writing, some of the pages you and your son get to do together!
We have made time to sit together, uninterrupted to work on the pages at the same time. I can't tell you how precious those minutes were!
I also imagine, as Katie very much intended, what it will be like to pick up this journal in 5 and even 10 years.
Don't even get me started. The waterworks.
I saw that one of the pages we haven't done yet has this prompt question from your son to you: "Tell me about a relative I didn't get to know well."
My own Mom. I get to write the best funniest, fun, loving, and treasured memories about her to my son who was so little when she went to Heaven.
I'm gonna need to do this one during deep sobbing, shuddering-shoulder, ugly-cry day when I'm home alone. Penciling it in now, right after my pedicure.
I purchased this journal myself and received no monetary compensation for it or for writing this post. My opinions here are truly because we love this and the additional emotional connection and bonding it has provided my son and me.
Now here is the page of our journal I am able to share with you because it was funny and I only teared up a little bit as I smiled writing it to him.
His page with the same question about me, however, did me in.
Yep. Not gonna lie.
But he did write that he "gets his sarcastic humor from me."
Which I thought was hilarious. No idea what he's talking about!
This is my page, writing to him:
I truly hope you get this and/or the Mother and Daughter Journal and start crafting these special stories with love, fun, and goofiness!
Katie also offers some exclusive resources such as inside cover, fun printable pockets and bookmarks, embellishment techniques and more, to enhance the mother-child "story-catching" as she calls it. You can access those via a special link printed inside your journal.
As for us, we will continue the journaling throughout the next school year.
I think it will be crucial to maintain this momentum my son and I have going, and it will remind me to tend to his heart FIRST when the high-stress demanding scheduling starts again.
- Carlen
Read more posts from our 10 Days of Connecting With Your Child Series{HERE}
About Carlen:
Mom to two wonderfully unique boys. She's still trying to figure the whole thing out, but is grateful and blessed to raise them, homeschool them and keep the house from burning down. Her husband of almost 25 years would love to have her job when she retires - yes, the mom gig, she can't remember the one prior to this, but it was somewhere in Sillicon Valley. She loves her faith, her family and her friends.
Come along for shennanigans in HOME | FAMILY | LEARNING | FOOD | HEALTH | OH LA LA at www.RealMomsWingingIt.com
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