She watched me talking on the phone while my kids were playing at the park. She doesn't know I had been waiting for a call back from the doctor so she must think I‘m just gossiping with a friend. She probably thinks I’m a terrible, negligent mother.

Please don’t judge me. I’m doing the best I can.

She looked twice over her shoulder at my daughter wearing her mismatched shoes, backwards dress and wild hair proudly at the store. She doesn't know she insisted on getting dressed on her own and probably thinks I don't even give my kids baths.

Please don’t judge me. I’m doing the best I can.

She’s looking at my two kids eating ice pops in the stroller at 10 am while I push them trying to squeeze in a quick run to help clear my head. Ice pops so early? It’s not even that hot. She probably thinks I give my kids junk all the time.

Please don’t judge me. I’m doing the best I can.

She raised her eyebrows in such a way when she heard me say I send my kids to daycare when I go to work. She probably thinks I should just be home with them all the time.

Please don’t judge me. I’m doing the best I can.

She saw me race out of work without finishing something important, not knowing I needed to get to my children on time. She probably thinks I don’t care about my job and that I’m a slacker.

Please don’t judge me. I’m doing the best I can.

She quietly stared at us when I carried my screaming, flailing child out of the store after I couldn’t let him have his way. She probably thinks I don’t know how to discipline my kids.

She saw my house covered in Cheerios and couch pillows all over the floor. She saw my kitchen sink full of dishes and my bathroom splattered with bubblegum toothpaste. She probably thinks I’m a mess and don’t know how to keep a clean house.

Please don’t judge me. I’m doing the best I can.

These are some of the thoughts I have. You probably have them, too.

And we both know that we’re probably making up these things in our heads because we have a bad habit of beating ourselves up, but you know what?

Sometimes she really is being judgmental.

But those thoughts will always have more to do with her than they will ever actually have to do with you.

Be gentle with yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Love yourself,

and try to love her, too, because she needs it just as much (maybe even more) than you do.

And when you catch yourself being “her”—

because let’s be honest, we all can be the one on the other side of the fence here—

Remind yourself that your judgements have more to do with what’s going on inside of you and your life than they will ever have to do with whatever you THINK is going on with hers.

And then pray again, for both of you.

It’s up to us to break the cycle for the girls we’re raising.

We need to be the change,

and it’s going to take some work and a whole lotta prayers.

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