I felt a gush of something that turned out to be amniotic fluid. I called my DR. The next morning expecting to hear, "Oh that's normal, no worries", instead I was asked to come in right then and with in 20 mins of being there I had already had an ultrasound anxiously waiting the results. They asked me to get ready for an exam, but instead the Dr. Walked in and told me I had ruptured my membranes and that I needed to go to the hospital and if anyone could take me there. I was 22w6d and was told I was going to have my baby. When I got there I was told I wasn't going to go home until I had my son. There was a high chance I'd go into labor in the next 48 hrs, I was given antibiotics and steriod shots. At 26w1d I started to have contractions, in a few hours I was 6 cm dialated and had an emergency c section just after midnight, my little boy was born at 26w2d.

When you have a baby you expect joy, but he didn't cry, he was intubated and taken to the NICU, my husband went and took pictures i didn't get to see him until the next morning. He was born at 2lb even and 13 inches long. Leaving the hospital without my little one, no longer pregnant, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

You feel defeated, upset with yourself and your bodies inability to preform a basic human function, you see pregnant woman every where. You feel like you've failed your baby and that everything he has to go through is your fault and there isn't any thing you can do about it.

I can't pick him up when he is upset and try to comfort him, it is heart breaking, but I have to stay strong and positive, I help out with cares and read to him.

Jensen is 5 weeks old, and currently trying to recover from PDA ligation and a lung infection that developed right after surgery. This has changed me in such a short period of time, everything changes. The beeping rings in your head after you leave. I feel guilty for having terrible thoughts, having my heart stop when the phone rings.

He is described as feisty and strong by his nurses, he is a tiny fighter. He has gone up and down on the rollercoaster they call it, and still has a way to go before we can think about getting to bring him home, something we are looking forward to!