Sometimes motherhood is lonely even when we have our kids around.

It’s a different kind of lonely than actually being alone—in fact, most of us are never physically alone even when we want to be, like when we’re using the bathroom.

It’s feeling alone.

It’s the lonely feelings that live inside of us at times when we’re playing with our kids for hours on end. Even though the noise of their laughter and shrieks fill the background, we’re lonely for interaction with adults.

Sometimes when a fight breaks out or when everyone is crying, we feel ourselves drowning in the chaos. We feel our airways being cut off, as we start to sink. We imagine someone walking through that door, like a knight in shining armor- a mom friend dressed head-to-toe in solidarity, saving us from experiencing the madness all by ourselves, giving us our breath back.

It’s not that we don’t have mom friends, too. Sure, we have some from our kids’ classes. But it’s hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules between naps, feedings, and activities. Then we have plans, and someone gets sick or is having trouble going to the bathroom, or woke up cranky… and so we cancel, and we have to reschedule for some time next week, but they’ll get back to us… And the more kids we have, the harder it gets.

We're alone in our thoughts late at night, even when our partners are next to us. They are fast asleep while we’re left thinking about all the things that need to be done, what happened during the day, and trying to unwind our minds. We surf the internet while brainstorming a birthday guest list because even in her downtime mommy never turns off.

At this phase in life, the baby phase, the majority of the time we do our day just us.

And it’s great.

Because motherhood is the most amazing, rewarding, and fulfilling thing we’ve ever done--

and we must remember that we’ll never be more loved, wanted, and needed than at this moment…and that's absolutely beautiful.

But sometimes motherhood is lonely even when we have our kids around.

It’s a different kind of lonely than actually being alone---

It's feeling alone.

This post originally appeared on the author's Facebook. Her book "Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder" is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2O4mJId