As a mom of two and former Executive Director of three Brain Balance centers, I've personally overseen more than 1,000 students’ progress through the Brain Balance program. Parenting can be extremely difficult, and it can be sobering to flail so hard with our kids in our attempts to raise them. Here are my top tips on how to be a “better” parent in today’s ever-changing world.

• Quality time matters! In our busy world of multi-tasking it becomes increasingly more important to set aside our phones and devices and share the gift of undivided attention. Personally, I know how minimizing it can feel to have someone half listening when you are trying to open up and share about something important. Not only are there positive neurological benefits to making eye contact and physical contact, but it is also positive role modeling to teach your children how to be active engaged listeners.
• Find your child's communication time and style. Every child is different in how and when they communicate. My son opens up the most while we are engaged in an activity together. If I want to hear all about his day, the best way to make it happen is heading outside with a ball and glove for catch. He is also most chatty first thing in the morning. He wakes up happy and energized. For my daughter taking the extra time at bedtime to set everything else aside and lay with her is when she opens up. While her goal may be stalling on lights out, my goal is connecting, so we both win. She doesn't always open up right away, so giving her the time to formulate her thoughts and open up is key. When we have faced major emotional life events, I've found that if I laid with her long enough, chatting about anything, she would eventually open up.
• Set your child up for success with what you allow them to do and even eat. All too often I watch parents say yes to things that sound fun, but ultimately set their child up for frustrating behaviors.
• Before you say yes to the next fun and sugary snack, think about what you have planned next. Going out for a nice family dinner? If you want your child to sit still and behave to enjoy your time together choose water rather than allowing soda. A spike in sugar impacts mood and behaviors, especially in children! Set your kids up for success by timing the sugar so that they have an opportunity to run around and burn off that excess energy.
• It is common to see a spike in negative behaviors after playing video games. Video games can not only be highly fatiguing to the brain. A tired brain has less of an ability to pay attention, and control mode and behaviors. Playing video games also allow you to sit for long periods of time. Often the more we sit, the less we want to do anything else. What turns on and energizes our brain is using large muscle groups. Movement and muscles also engage regions of the brain that are involved in emotional control and behavior. If you want good behavior, minimize the length of time a child is playing video games, and encourage lots of body movement right after playing video games.
• Movement matters. Engaging our muscles, spiking our heart rate, then having time for heart rate and breathing to regulate has a positive impact on mood and energy. Whether it is first thing in the morning, or after school prior to starting homework, taking the time to move, run and play physically benefits everyone. Engaging your muscles and heart rate also has a positive impact on our focus, and even memory (Spark is a great parent friendly book to learn more about how this works). Teach your kids to use their body to turn on their brain. Taking even just a few minutes prior to homework or studying can actually help to make that time more focused and productive. It can also create positive lifelong patterns for health and exercise.
• Understand that the middle of a meltdown is NOT the time to reason with your child. When a child (or adult) becomes extremely upset or agitated, our body shifts into fight or flight mode. When this happens higher functioning areas of our brain shut down and lowering functioning areas of our brain become more engaged. In these moments our brain is focused on the present moment and does not have the ability to reason or regulate. Once your child hits the point of meltdown, threatening with time out or a punishment is not an effective approach. While keeping your child and others safe, give them the time to calm down. It can take upwards of 20-45 minutes for the system to fully calm down and re-set so that you can engage rationally. Allow them to get through the moment, then discuss the behavior, incidence or issue that triggered the meltdown. It has been shown that physical touch and a calm, quiet environment can help this process, so holding your child while staying quiet, or talking softly can be a great approach.
• Talk UNDER your child, not OVER your child. This is easier said than done! When frustrated or upset, it is human nature to raise our voice, but sometimes yelling at our kids can backfire. All of us have a point where our body goes into fight or flight mode. The older, and more mature our development is, the larger the threshold we have to avoid this moment. For our children, and especially if the child has any aspects of development that are slightly behind or immature, they can trigger into flight or flight mode even easier. This means that moment when no one is listening and we yell to get their attention, or to get a point across can backfire. Rather than the child engaging, once they are in fight or flight they will actually shut down.