Jesus, take the wheel. I would like to personally reach out to teachers everywhere who feel they may implode due to this claim. Out of sincere pity, I spent $30 on pencils last week for my children's classrooms.

2. What's that smell?

Ummm, dinner. Real food being cooked has a scent evidently that no one is used to around here.

3. Where did you put my shoes?

Actually, the "where did you put" prefacing anything makes me venomous. I can't help but add that I have far more to do than hide people's shoes.

4. Why?

This is the most common response I receive when giving my rare orders. Take a shower. Do your homework. Come and eat.

5. I didn't even do anything.

People scream and wail typically when you do nothing.

6. Someone's at the door.

This one makes me mad as I am usually fresh out of the shower or truthfully, hiding upstairs peering out the window. That is the whole reason we have an upstairs.

7. I have no idea.

Remotes, those shoes, keys, backpack, Amos' blankie, every person in this house is as clueless as a wide eyed doe, except me.

8. Where's the scissors?

Poor grammar tacked on to this question really irks me.

9. I took a shower last night.

Liar. Blasphemy, I tell you.

10. I haven't had dinner.

My quick retort is swallowed when I realize I'm wrong and then, like any wise mother, I turn the tables on the victim. "Why didn't you eat something?" I say quite convincingly.