Bedtime in my house is an actual nightmare. Night after freaking night. I thought it was only because I had four babies close in age. But then they got older and I'm pretty sure it's gotten even worse. I used to drink an entire bottle of wine during their bath time alone. To numb the unbearable pain. But that doesn't even help anymore. Because I no longer feel.
1. No one wants to go the hell to bed. Except me. Every damn night.
2. Everyone wants to cry. Tear after freaking tear. Including me. Every damn night.
3. Someone has to pee. I just saw them pee. They cannot possibly have to do it again.
4. Someone has a sore throat. They were fine all freaking day. But now the pain is just too much to bear and the only thing that can possibly make it better is to lay on the couch and watch the news with me.
5. Someone is scared. They have no problem running out into traffic, but sleeping in this nice warm house, in their big cozy bed, with their pillows all fluffed, scares them.
6. Someone is thirsty. Correction. Everyone is thirsty. All of the sudden they are a pack of wild camels stranded in the middle of the dessert. They just can't seem to get enough water into their systems. Never asked for one single drink of water all day. All their tears must have dehydrated them. (see #2)
7. By the time everyone finally falls the hell asleep, I'm too tired to read my book (finish my box of wine).
8. Finally, three hours later, the house is quiet and I doze off into dream world. Where suddenly I'm dreaming I'm floating down a river. The dream is so real. It's like I can actually feel the water all around. Because I can. Someone has just peed in my bed. (See #6) Someone I didn't even know was in my bed.
9. Changing the sheets in the middle of the night. This should be an Olympic sport. Medals should be awarded. Any parent could do this blindfolded with one hand tied behind their back.
10. You don't have any clean sheets. So you do the old, "throw the towel down". Everyone's done this. No one wants to admit it. But they've done it. You would never in your right mind do something like this. You're choosing to sleep in someone else's urine. Sure it sounds horrific now. But it won't come 3am when all you want to do is freaking sleep. You are not in your right freaking mind. And you may never be. Ever again.
11. It is now 3:30am and you think, I can still manage three hours of sleep. I'll be fine. I can do this. But for the first time in ten freaking years you can't fall asleep.
Eileen O'Connor lives life to the fullest. With her unapologetic love for wine and honest humor, she looks at life through rose-colored glasses.
Check her out on Facebook or at No Wire Hangers, Ever
