No one ever told me that I may not immediately fall in love with my baby. Everyone always said that the moment you see the baby it's love at first site but that wasn't the case with me and I felt like I was the only one in the world to feel like that. It led to postpartum depression (or did postpartum lead to that??). 

I had planned on having the baby so it wasn't a surprise but I just wasn't in the right place emotionally. I lost 42 pounds the first ten days. I did call my doctor and she suggested meds but I wanted to do it on my own. Because of the weight loss, I wasn't producing milk but...I didn't know that!! So, I starved my baby and he cried ALL THE TIME which led to more suffering on my part. Finally, my pediatrician and husband (poor husband having to deal with me!!) talked me into trying some medication. At nine weeks old, I feel in love with my baby. I got on medication and I remember thinking, "Oh, this is what it feels like to love your baby." 

If someone had told me that I might face those experiences, I wouldn't have missed those first nine weeks. Sad story....

BUT, I don't feel like I can tell friends that because I still feel like most moms don't experience that. Or, better yet, perhaps most aren't telling the truth for fear of shaming...?? No one wants to be the baby buzz kill.

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