I used to love to go for walks or play board games after dinner. I used to read with my kids every night. We’d have pillow talk and I’d be interested in their stories, or Roblox, or whatever they were excited about that day. I looked at Pinterest for crafts, and planned new recipes to try for Sunday brunch.

But the pandemic has made me a lazy mom.

Call it exhaustion, depression, anxiety, or all of the above, but by the time the work, chores and schooling are done, I’m toast. I have zero mental capacity for anything else.

I don’t even want to cuddle with them or watch one of their shows.

I just want to be here, in my room, watching a Netflix show or Hallmark movie. I want to check-out of our current reality of COVID craziness and the political dumpster-fire and hide.

I don’t want to be a playmate. I don’t want to be a housekeeper or emotional coach. And I definitely don’t want to be a homework do-er at the 11th hour when they forgot they had STEM project due the next day.

I just want to be alone.

With the never ending pressure, and kids still quarantined due to COVID cases at school, everything 2020 and beyond has thrown at us feels suffocating. I wish I could just hibernate under a blanket and rest my weary body and mind until the 2021 rays of light slowly starts to seep in from beneath the crack of my door.

But I can’t. Because I have two little girls that need me. They need to see how I’m reacting to all of life’s curve balls. They need to see that even when I’m down, I can get back up.

They need to learn to pivot and make the best of any situation.

So after I take a few minutes for myself each evening, I breathe, put on a smile and remind myself how lucky I am to be their mom. I get them to bed and spend a little time with each girl.

And remember that through this big old mess of a situation we are all in, there is still so much GOOD. We just have to work to be present enough to find it.

This originally appeared on Kristen Hewitt's Facebook page, follow her for more real parenting moments.