These are the very last pictures I have of Kash. They were taken just 3 hours before the most devastating phone call I have ever had to make was placed. I look at these pictures A LOT! I try to find a clue, something I missed, about that morning 16 weeks ago. It was just SUCH a normal morning; until of course it wasn’t. Kash was happy! He was playing! He was smiling! He was himself. There was absolutely no way of knowing what that morning nap would turn into. I suppose that’s the thing with SIDS. It’s SUDDEN. The cause is UNKNOWN. Let me give you some stats on SIDS.

*Boys are more likely than girls to die from SIDS.
*1,300 babies die from SIDS every year in the US alone
*Medical professionals have started declaring it an unknown MEDICAL DISORDER
*Apnea is leading ‘theory’ in babies who die from SIDS
*Babies with larger heads are more likely to die from SIDS
*SIDS is NON PREVENTABLE
*SIDS is NOT asphyxiation.

Did you catch those last 2 things? I’ve had to tell myself them over and over and over again. Especially as I look at his last pictures. I couldn’t have known what was going to happy mere hours later. I couldn’t have prevented it. And while I say it to myself, while I’ve had the medical examiner say it to me numerous times, I still don’t accept it. How, as his mom, could I not have saved him from this?!!

If you take one thing away from this, know that SIDS and asphyxiation are 2 completely different things. No blanket caused this. No sleeping position caused this. No crib caused this. All of THOSE things are attributed to asphyxiation; not SIDS.

SIDS took my baby away from me.
‘The silent killer’ came in when we didn’t even know, when we were just FEET away from him, and took him away.

I will never be okay.
I will never stop researching and fighting for more answers.
1300 babies die in the US from SIDS and last year, it took mine.
#SIDS #infantloss #kashskorner