I always see posts on Facebook that say things like, “They aren’t the terrible twos, your child is just learning.” Or the ones that say if I am more consistent with my parenting, my two-year old won’t be so terrible.

Well, you know what I have to say about that?

Shove it.

Right now, I have a very terrible two-year old and I don’t think that he’s just learning. I think by the smirk on his face that he knows exactly what he is doing and wants to test just how far he can push me before I snap.

Disclaimer: I always have to provide a disclaimer. My child is not always terrible. About 68% of the time he is great. The other 32% is a hot mess of terribleness. But I love him more than life itself and would take a bullet for him.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s discuss the terrible twos.

I thought that because it was my second time around, that it wouldn’t be so hard. That I would have an idea of how to deal with the tantrums and dramatics and ear piercing screams.

Then I remembered I never figured it out the first time around and just struggled to make it through each day without a nervous breakdown.

I think that is what the second time around is also going to look like.

Case in point – Simon is such a sweet, smiling and adorable little angel for anyone that isn’t me or his Dad. I will pick him up from the sitter and she will gush about how adorable he is. How he is so well behaved and he is a joy to watch. He will sweetly say, “Bye bye!” to her and wave his fat little hand, melting her heart all over again.

I will then proceed to strap him in his car seat where he will scream, “NOOOOOOO!” as loud as his two-year old lungs will let him for the entire twelve minute car ride home.

His favorite word right now is no. No surprise. But while he is screaming no, he also destroys anything around him that he can reach.

Did you leave a water bottle on the coffee table? It is launched across the living room in under three seconds.

Is the dog within arms reach? His tail is getting pulled.

Is his brother around? He will be kicked in the shin.

Papers on the kitchen table? Tossed haphazardly on the floor.

God forbid you leave a plate of food on the counter. It turns into dinner for the dog after hitting the floor.

He is also a big fan of running away from me. For no reason in particular. Just because he knows it annoys me.

Need to put on his shoes? Run in circles.

Need to put on pants? Hightail it behind the couch.

Straight out of the tub and needing a diaper? His little slippery body will attempt to run on the wood floors to get out of reach.

This is when I grab him by any appendage I can get ahold of as he flies by.

When I do catch him, it’s like trying to put clothes or a diaper on a rabid cat. I am normally sweating by the time I’m done thirty minutes later.

And no, I have not tried essential oils.

So if you think being a more consistent parent will help, let me tell you that yes, I discipline my child, internet troll that will make some snarky comment. It obviously is not very effective at this point and I don’t write these posts so you can judge me.

If you think that I will miss this when he is a teenager, you can come babysit anytime you want, parent that forgot how hard it is to discipline a two-year old.

So to all my fellow moms out there that are also simply surviving the terrible twos, I understand. I feel you. You are not a bad parent. It’s just that hard.

Until Next Time,

Jamie