Lik millions of American kids, mine went back to school on Tuesday.

I had been dreaming of this day since about mid July when the boredom of summer vacation sunk in, and they had done all they could do outside apparently.

We stocked up on back to school supplies, and picked out their first day outfits…this was really happenening!

The first morning came with the blaring of my alarm clock, and was a whirlwind of activity. I got them off to school, and made my way back home.

Home…to silence.

Sweet golden silence that only comes when the house is truly free of child.

I am home most of the time they are gone now, only working part time some afternoons…so I felt a wave of emotion that I had not felt before, being a full time working mom all those years.

I sat bewildered by my vast array of emotions that ran through me…here is a peek inside my brain on the first day of school:

1. Sadness…no, emptiness. Tears sprung from my eyes for a few short minutes as I looked at my stupid Timehop on my phone of my past pictures. My babies were still babies, not upper elementary, and middle schoolers. Back when they didn’t use deodorant and way too much Axe body spray. Back when they still stayed home with me and took long afternoon naps. I cried in grief of those days gone by…but only for a minute.

2. Tiredness…. I think having a quiet, empty house made my body go into sleep mode. I found myself dozing off in bed while attempting to sound productive to my husband who kept asking me what I was doing…. Sorry honey, I was definitely drooling on the pillow when you texted me on your lunch break. I know I said I was doing the dishes or putting laundry away, but that was a lie. It’s like trying to make golden summer memories with the kids for three months caught up with me, and I was down for the count. I promise to get better after this week…give me a few days to get my butt in gear.

3. Excitement… It’s like I was 12 years old again, and mom and dad left me home alone. I ate chips in bed, watched tv shows that I wanted to watch, like “the 800 lb woman”, and “born with three legs”. (Thanks TLC!). I played Britney Spears music on my phone while taking a mid day bubble bath. I felt rebellious and free!

4. Worrisome…aka stalker mom. Schools these days have all kinds of cool ways for parents to know what the heck their kids are doing all day. I can go on my phone and see if my son made it to English class in time, but that he was also corrected for talking out of turn. I can see a picture of my daughter practicing cursive on her class Facebook page. I can also see what they all ate for lunch and how much money they spent on it. Perfect for every budding helicopter mom out there.

But mostly…

I felt bored.

Those little monsters really fill up my life. The fighting, whining, yelling, laughing, eating, and all the rest of the crap that they do really fills my soul, my heart, and my mind. I guess I also feel a little jealous… Jealous of their teachers for getting to spend the days with my little humans.

They drive me abso-freaking-lutley crazy, but it’s a good crazy, and I miss the heck out of them…but please don’t suggest that I homeschool… I still count the numbers on clocks by 5’s to figure out what time it is, and also struggle with basic geography. I want my kids to have a fighting chance 😉