Summertime with kids is: sleeping with your eyes open at the pool while your kids beat the crap out of each other with pool noodles.

It's finally getting to the end of the laundry, only to discover your son left a pack of Trident in his shorts and now the entire load is gummy!

It's going on vacation with your tribe. Which is the same thing as being home, only now you're... "Vacation-mom," a noun: Someone who performs the same duties away as she does at home. Like washing pee sheets at 4:30 a.m. at the all-night campground laundromat. And standing knee-deep in the water screaming and motioning for her kids to get their butts back here because the ocean has moved them all the way to 34th Street....

At least vacation-mom can crack a bottle of booze at 11:30 a.m. and not feel guilty.

Yes, these are the best days of our lives, and we don't even know it.

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