Discovering you have fertility issues is a shocking blow. You assumed that, like millions of other women, you’d fall pregnant with ease. Nine months later, a bundle of joy would be deposited in your arms at the hospital, and your life would be complete.

After months of trying, despite your efforts, you’re not pregnant. Each month, you hold your breath as your period approaches, and each month holds another heartbreak.

You look around you. There are women with six children who are such terrible mothers that they shouldn’t have any. They don’t understand how blessed they are. What you wouldn’t give to be in their shoes, you mutter under your breath.

1. Your pain is justified

Your body has betrayed you. You feel like a failure. Everyone around you is having babies, and if one more person asks when you’re going to have one, you’ll lose it. It seems that everywhere you go, there’s a proudly pregnant woman to rub your face in the fact that you can’t do that.

What’s happening to you is unfair, and it hurts. Instead of trying to deny your pain, acknowledge it and experience all its stages. You’re justified in feeling all this hurt. Only someone who has experienced it will fully understand.

2. Treatment may be the answer

Your doctor could tell you that there is treatment available. Usually, it involves a visit to an IVF clinic. But be realistic. IVF may not work on the first round. You need to prepare yourself for a rollercoaster ride of feelings. The range of emotions you’ll feel come from the experience of infertility coupled with the hormonal influx of the treatment itself.

3. Infertility has an impact on your relationships and mental health

It’s common for women who have fertility problems to experience stress and depression. These conditions can further inhibit your chances of falling pregnant. Be vigilant and seek counseling if you start to show symptoms of anxiety and depression.

The pain and hurt caused by infertility can place a strain on your relationship with your partner. An unhappy relationship can add to stress and depression. Maintain open lines of communication.

Your partner is feeling the agony too. Share it and strive to deal with it together. Lean on each other instead of pulling away from one another. This terrible experience will make or break you. Choose the former rather than the latter.

4. You are not alone

Up to 12% of women experience infertility. Someone close to you has probably fought the same battle you have. Utilize the resources you have at hand. Go for counseling, alone or with your partner, depending on what you feel you need.

Look for support groups in your area. They are a platform for you to share your experiences with people who genuinely understand what’s happening to you. Turn to your faith for help.

5. Distract yourself

Find an outlet for your emotions so that you’re not obsessing about pregnancy all the time. Take up a new hobby that interests and challenges you. Getting your mind off your problems helps you to relax.

6. Listen to your doctor

Your doctor may advise you to take a timeout from trying to fall pregnant. Don’t disregard this advice thinking that doggedly continuing to try for a pregnancy is the only way forward. Your doctor may also suggest exercise. Regular exercise is known to ease some of the symptoms of depression and might take your mind off your current situation.

Infertility is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Do not blame yourself. Hold your head up high and confront your situation head-on.