1. Camp would be a vacation.
Even fat camp sounds fun, all that sleep and exercise with no planning on our part.

2. No cars allowed.
No errands, no carpool, no grocery store, no limit to alcohol consumption.

3. We could register for activities like: Putting the School Calendar in Your Phone or Sorting One Million Pictures.

4. People spray you with sunscreen.
Yep, just stand there like you're going through security.

5. No cooking.
Not one bit, unless you count intentionally burning marshmallows on a stick.

6. No technology temptation.
I realize this contradicts camp classes so maybe like public school and used in the name of "education."

7. Showers are scheduled.
No guilt over three days of pool baths.

8. You get your very own bed.
A single mattress is plenty big and being on the top or the bottom is insignificant.

9. No laundry.
Put on your shirt from yesterday and head to the mess hall for breakfast.

10. Food rationing.
A separate building houses the food, you eat at designated times and no snacks allowed in the cabin except for fireballs which curb one's appetite.

11. Exercise is fun.
Particularly when it doesn't involve negotiating thirty pound people into jogging strollers.

12. No being the boss.
Our families may think we relish steering the ship, but that is BS.

13. Rest period is required.
No exceptions including sick kids, to do lists, meetings, or grocery store.

14. You are forced to write letters.
Licking envelopes and pasting stamps in a lighthearted way, unlike Christmas cards.

15. We are appreciative.
No complaining, no lamenting that two weeks is too long, and no whining about missing the freedom of summer.

16. Elastic is required.
Nothing like those faded blue cotton half spent camp shorts that threaten to fall down to make one feel college thin.

17. We need to give ourselves some attention.
Self care time would be abundant. Manicures. Pedicures. Hair styling.

18. Remember what it's like to hang out with friends.
Not having a conversation while yelling across the playground, saving people's lives from oncoming swings or leaving to fix dinner.

19. We don't get homesick.
People that find it necessary to FaceTime children on weekends away need not submit an application.

20. Counselors will be educated in life skills.
Think of the opportunity to impart knowledge to those young bloods.

21. We are a sure thing.
Rain or shine, vomit or strep, count us present and we won't even complain about the price. Cheap for freedom.

22. We don't need babysitters.
Go out, have a drink, we don't care.

23. We won't complain about the food.
We will be happy with powdered eggs. Truthfully, bad tasting food may be a good jumpstart to shedding extra twenty lbs.

24. We will be your most satisfied customers.
The mere chance at freedom leaves us tickled to pieces.

25. No scolding to get us to bed.
The thought of ten to twelve hours of sleep a night makes me want to petition the YMCA Camp Sea Gull and YMCA Camp Seafarer and Camp Trinity. To Hell with family camp.

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