I have a bone to pick with the complainers. The complaints that homework was not plentiful enough, creative enough, innovative enough, fun enough…

The feedback was heard and now spelling assignments instruct my second grader to, “choose one of the following materials to pour out on the table & then trace your words in it: pudding, rice, oatmeal, shaving cream.” Verbatim, that’s what the homework sheet says.

Wait, there is more. “Practice your words using any of these ‘artsy’ methods: etch-a-sketch, sidewalk chalk, window markers, glitter.” GLITTER! No mom wants glitter in her house.

I have always tried to play nice as a parent. I don’t expect elaborate holiday crafts to be sent home because I know that would create a whole lot of work on our poor teachers that are often left cleaning the classrooms themselves.

I am fine with basic homework. Write your spelling words three times and call it a day. Have your mom call out the words. Great, now we can all go play.

But no one wants this pudding-poured-on-the table nonsense. I’m pretty sure if my child tried that at school, I would get a call.

“Yes, Mrs. Baker, you’re child will be eating at the silent table for the rest of week for pouring her food on the table.”

“Did you look at the poured contents? Maybe she was just studying spelling words in her Greek yogurt?”

Now, please hear me out, I hold no blame on teachers. In fact, I applaud their creativity at combating all the parents constantly emailing demands for more hands-on activities to appease their active children. Can’t you imagine the teacher that got one too many bossy emails saying to herself, “I’ll show you multi-sensory.” And then what gets added the homework sheet is, “spell your words out loud. For each consonant punch the air and for each vowel kick.” We all know how that is going to end, and educated isn’t it.

So, sweet, enthusiastic, invested fellow parents, please, let the homework be. If it involves simple paper and pencil, rejoice! Thank our precious teachers and breathe a sigh of relief.

But if complain you must, may your child pour out ALL the pudding, rice, oatmeal, and shaving cream on your kitchen table as she decorates with glitter while kicking and punching.