Young parents...listen to me now. Run from the Elf while you still can.

I started my day sitting on the floor of my closet saying naughty words. I seem to have lost not only our elf but his entire family. What the fork my friends?

I did, however, unearth our original elf that I had to replace after attempting to clean sharpie off of him after a heartbroken child accidentally drew on him with a marker like 5 years ago.

She went to bed facing the wrath of her siblings who were convinced she had “ruined his magic”. I wiped the sharpie off with some nail polish remover and also accidentally took off his eyebrow.

Then I cried.

The bandaid you see allowed Amazonprime to save my behind. But the scars remain on both original Fisby and on my soul.

You guys, I fear I won’t survive even a few more years of this elf/tooth fairy/Santa business.

This is the thing no one tells you about having lots of kids. You will have to do these crazy and stressful traditions FOREVER.

My bottom two deserve all the magic and so I dig deep. But I swear Fisby and family might send a post card that they decided to head to Hawaii for a little R&R and they’ll see us in a few days.

That’ll buy me enough time to ship a few more elves and somehow recreate an elf baby while I cry tears of blood and ponder my life choices. If given a time machine I’d go back and tell myself to take a hard pass on the elf shenanigans even though younger me thought it looked “so fun”.

Hold me Jesus.

Amy

#heldhostagebymagic #thisisbullshirt #why #theyshouldcomewithawarninglable #noideawheretoevenlook #iwonderiftheyrehidingonme #yupisometimesthinktheyrereal #losingmymind