We are Here . . . SENIOR YEAR!

These boys.

They are mine and they hold my heart. They are seniors this year and will soon be 18.

They are racing towards graduation and college and this Momma is not ready. I wonder how we got here so quickly? Just yesterday they were running through the yard, watching Toy Story and building Lego castles.

Senior Year.

We have survived the baby years with sleepless nights, crying, diapers and spit-up.

We have survived the toddler years with temper tantrums, potty-training and endless questions.

We have survived the school years with homework, science projects, late-night studying and forgotten assignments.

We have survived the teen years with driver’s licenses, girlfriends, late-night parties and broken hearts.

Each stage full of challenges and joys, hard times and sweet memories. Each stage filled with celebrations and disappointments, tears and laughter. But we made it!

I can’t believe we are here . . . SENIOR YEAR. This is a time of celebration and happiness, but it also a time when my heart is so very heavy and that lump in my throat just won’t go away.

We are here . . . in this season of life that always seemed so far away, yet came way faster than I ever imagined.

We are here . . . where I thought life would get easier, but it is just as difficult. These boys are driving, dating and heading off to college. The worries are bigger now and I’m realizing that the hardest part of parenting isn’t potty-training or temper tantrums or sleepless nights.

It’s . . . LETTING GO.

As a mother, you spend your whole life preparing your child to leave you and when that moment comes, it’s heartbreakingly bittersweet.

And I realize just how badly I am going to miss these boys next year.
I’m going to miss their laughter and jokes.
I’m going to miss their stinky gym clothes.
I’m going to miss their bear hugs.
I’m going to miss their dirty dishes in the sink.
I’m going to miss the funny YouTube videos and memes they share with me every day. I’m going to miss their late-night talks and their early morning grumpiness.

This Momma business . . . it’s no fun when they spread their wings and leave the nest. It’s hard to let them go - it tugs at the heart. It’s a lot of praying and trusting God when you are no longer in control. It’s a lot of crying out to Jesus to protect them and hold them close. It’s choosing to embrace this new season and feeling so grateful for each day with them.

It’s a time when I reflect on motherhood and wonder if I did enough . . . Did I hold them enough? Did I encourage them enough? Did I play with them enough? Did I teach them enough to go out into the world on their own? I will never get those moments back and I pray that I did enough to show them how important they are to me and how much they are loved beyond measure.

These boys.

I hope they always know that I believe in them.
I hope they always know that although they may not need me as much, I still need them.
I hope they always do the right thing even when it’s hard.
I hope they always put God first.
I hope they know how ridiculously proud I am of them.
And I hope they always come home. I won’t even mind if they bring their stinky gym clothes.

These boys.

You may see two grown men . . . But I see 2 tow-headed little boys running into my arms, straight into my heart and I’m not quite ready to let them go.

Photo Credit: Bree Coggins Photography