I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could and felt the skin of her shoulders under my hand.

I instantly time traveled back to the moment she was born and the doctor laid her on my chest and I felt that same soft skin for the very first time as I cuddled her into me, finally, finally able to meet this precious human.

Bookend moments.

This time, I wasn’t preparing to bring this sweet baby home where I would get to snuggle her up every single day and get to know all the things about her.

This time, I was preparing to let this sweet baby go out into the world, where I would miss her every single day but the world would get the blessing of having her in it.

Oh. My. Heart.

The time between those moments felt like both 1,000 years and 1,000 seconds depending on the day.

All the moments of my memory stacked themselves up in flash and I could see her toddling backward down the stairs on her knees in her footie pajamas and twirling in the living room in her princess costume.

I could see her heading off to kindergarten with a backpack almost as big as she was and performing at the talent show as a fourth grader with her BFF by her side, both nervous and determined to show their stuff.

I could see her entering middle school without a backward glance to me, shoulder to shoulder with her pals and finally getting her braces off and looking 10 years older at that moment.

I could see her heading to her first high school dance all nerves and beauty and then walking through her high school gym on graduation day, beaming with pride, head held high ready to face the world.

I could also see her returning home for spring break, not knowing she wasn’t going to be back at her school for a year and a half and then hunkering in her room for days on end ... and it’s that memory that has helped me hang onto joy instead of sorrow.

The girl leaving is just as it should be. She is ready and excited to go back where she belongs, in the world.

Friends, every time you think you just want to keep them, remember the keeping of them comes at a cost. And they paid dearly over the last year.

When it is time for them to go, it is just time.
And man we cannot stop time, I have tried all the tricks.

We get to cry and miss them and want them to be near, but deep in our souls underneath that sorrow and missing them we also get to feel the joy that they are right, exactly where they should be.

Amen and amen.

{First Published on Hiding in the Closet with Coffee}