“Just clean it up!”

“This place is a mess!”

“Put your toys away when you’re done!”

Kids aren’t leaving a messy trail because they’re lazy slobs at heart. Nope. It’s something else.

Children can’t organize toys for one (very good) reason.

Their stuff has nowhere to go.

I know, I know! You worked hard to organize your home. You outfitted play areas with toy boxes, organizing cubes, containers, and more. Closets hold less-used toys.

All you’re asking is that they throw it in a bin, line it up against the wall, or jam it in a closet when they’re done playing.

Right?

It’ll never work. (Sorry.)

Children crave structure. "A place for everything and everything in its place.”

Kids have so many toys it’s impossible to give each one its own space.

That's the problem we need to fix.

The Sneaky Culprit

I had it all planned out BC (Before Kids).

The coffee table had three large baskets underneath it. Bam! Built-in toy storage.

Epic fail. Even with sparingly filled baskets, toys were never put away. My daughter was used to putting her things away at preschool… why couldn’t she clean up at home?

The baskets! She had trouble retrieving toys from the high-sided baskets.

I wasn’t organizing toys… I was hiding them.

Welcome to The Toy Exchange

Out went the baskets. Now 5-7 toys take up residence under our coffee table. Not the prettiest site, but I prefer to toys shoved against a wall. There’s a small art table off to the side with a wall organizer that contains a small, rotating collection of art supplies.

One large play item stays out at a time (kitchen, dollhouse, playhouse, tent) and we rotate upon request or when something’s gone unused for too long.

A cabinet is filled with remaining toys. We organize toys by assigning each a designated spot. My daughter completes a toy exchange by switching out a “new” toy with a played-out “coffee table toy” when she’s ready to play with something different.

If she’s not playing with the current selection, I’ll take the lead and complete a toy rotation based on what I see her using or talking about. Older kids can do it themselves. You can get kids to clean up.

It works like a charm.

Every time your child has to throw unrelated toys together it undermines their ability to clean up.

Teach kids to appreciate their belongings by giving every item a home. 7-bedroom home or studio apartment, kids need to work with the space they have and so do we.

Some toys that benefit from a “dump it in” mentality:

• Legos®
• trains
• blocks
• doll accessories
• dress up play
• collections of toys that are often mixed

I’ve found we don’t need every piece every time.

Example: My daughter recently received a 75-piece magnetic princess play set. Score! She loves it, but 75 pieces for a 3-year-old? Wayyyyy too much. I leave out 25 pieces and rotate them. Less mess, more play.

There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to rip the Band-Aid® off.

Keep your child’s favorites. Donate the rest.

Yes, giving stuff away that you or someone you love spent hard-earned money on is hard. It sucks. You’re worried you’ll offend someone. You’re worried your child might want to play with it next week.

I get it.

Guilt sucks. And guilt is what you’re feeling.

But you work hard and care for your home. It’s not your job to deal with a houseful of guilt and mess.

Involve the kids. They'll get used to it. (If my 3-year old can, anyone can!)

Older kids:

1. Prepare the space where toys will be taking up residence. We use an old armoire/tv cabinet. Low-sided baskets and trays are always helpful for storing items with smaller pieces.
2. Open up a little. Let your kids know how draining it is to look at all the stuff all the time. Tell them you want to feel happier and spend more time with them and less time cleaning. One way to do this is to organize toys. They’ll whine, offer to help clean, promise to put things away, and try to manipulate you. They’re lying. Don’t fall for it.
3. Empower your child. Offer up the storage space and organize toys in one sitting. It’s up to them what stays. Stick around to help facilitate the cleaning, but be like Switzerland. Just stay out of it. Help them, but don’t try to sway their decision.
4. Let them fill up the space with their favorites and donate/sell the rest. If your child is very attached to possessions, passing along directly to families in need will be your best bet. Have them come with you to see the delighted faces of a family received gifts. It makes a difference.

I cleaned out everything I didn’t want to interact with or read (yes, you read that right!), then watched my daughter for a bit. I noticed what toys she never reached for. A few I put away, knowing she was too young for them.

The rest went to friends and donation. I took my daughter with me to the donation center. Was she upset? Yeah.

But now when I go to put something aside to donate, she asks if we're giving it to someone who needs it.

Best gift ever.

Touchy subject, right? Truly, I feel your pain. But gifts are not obligations. They’re considerations. And if someone’s laying a guilt trip on you because you donated a gift that’s no longer used? Shame on them. They’re the ones with the problem – not you.

Grandparents are often offended. It’s understandable. Explain you just can’t handle the amount of stuff. Ask them how much they had growing up?! A bedroom, living room, garage, and bonus room full of stuff? Heck, no.

Stress that you appreciate their gifts and your child has kept their favorites.

Many families find creating an online wishlist (Amazon.com is a great place to store the list) helps. I don’t, but I do make a point of telling gift-buyers what my daughter really wants. Rude? Maybe. But I don’t expect gifts. If they want to give my daughter something, I’m happy to point them in a direction she’ll enjoy. If they want to brainstorm on their own, awesome! Everyone understands we won’t keep it if it’s not a hit.

Decreasing toy quantity decreases stress and increases attention span and care. It’s not some crazy parenting technique. It’s science. Too many choices make us less able to choose. Decision Fatigue is a real and growing problem.

Organize toys but eliminating everything that doesn’t get used often, is broken, or is missing pieces.

Drastically reducing your amount of toys will result in a more engaged and careful child, who appreciates their belongings (most of the time).

Not to mention it makes holiday and birthday times MASSIVE hits!

I can tell we have too many toys – especially after birthdays and holidays – when toys start piling up and getting shoved on top of each other. We know it’s time to weed out the old and make room for the new.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

That’s how to get kids to clean up.

Stop fighting a battle you can't win. Take a day and go for it. You’ll be amazed by how much your kids don’t need and how much better you feel!

Read the original article on LiesAboutParenting.com.

P.S. Closets can work the same way, too!