We’re the moms with social anxiety.

You may not know who we are based on the way we come off.

Because despite our diagnosis, some of us can be extremely friendly and inviting.

Some of us say hi to you and don’t seem one drop shy. But inside our heads, well, that’s a whole other story. We’re extremely nervous and awkward while exchanging pleasantries with you.

Because sometimes, the voices in our heads drown out what you’re saying because we’re too busy overthinking---because we overthink instead of listening, even when the conversation’s still happening. And then we smile and feign understanding because we don’t want to ask you to repeat what you were saying.

After that, we pray that we didn’t make fools of ourselves.

We’re also tired, so our concentration on your words isn’t up to par. We then sometimes say things that don’t make sense and want to hide in a corner. But instead, we obsess about it all day and text you our sincere apologies for our babies apparently eating our brains.

We’re constantly editing our social media updates and ourselves because we’re afraid of how it came off---and was that spelled wrong? We can’t help it. We’re always a work in progress when trying to keep our inner people pleaser at bay.

We’re the moms who opt out of talking at meetings and don’t like to publicly speak on the whim. We were the ones who sat in class, taking notes but never raising our hands. Even when we knew the answer, we held back because we were scared we would stutter, get it wrong, flub up a sentence--- and maybe squeak.

We’re the moms who aren’t about mom’s night out. We were never the people who wanted to party or enjoyed group activities, so being a mom most definitely didn’t change that. There are a few factors now that hold us back: We’d rather be in our sweatpants after a long day. We don’t dig big groups of people—even if we like all the people in the group. And we’d rather recharge in the quiet by relaxing in bed with a book, watching Netflix, or getting things done around the house.

We’re the moms with social anxiety, and what makes it hard is…

all the people.

But what makes it easier--

Is doing it for our kids.

This post originally appeared on the author's Facebook. Her book Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2O4mJId