When we got pregnant with our son, my husband and I began talking through how we would navigate both of our careers and caring for our son. We decided that we both would continue to work in our roles as educators and find a childcare option for our little one while we where at work.

We researched all of the checklists, read articles, created a spreadsheet (yes, really) and identified all of the questions we had so we could properly vet a school that matched our family's needs, finances, and desire for our child. We found the perfect place for us, and felt confident about being in that school.

Even with loving teachers who care for our child, there are some really wonderful aspects of having your child in daycare and some really hard challenges. Whatever you choose for your family or aren't able to choose because of a whole host of reasons, there is no shame here. My biggest lesson in all of parenting is that no two kids are the same, your child will not likely be exactly like your best friend's child, and that is really okay. Your gifts, family dynamics and careers are also different. Some parents feel called to be home and others feel they are better parents because they work. I watch a lot of kids thrive in this environment and others struggle. Wherever you are on the daycare spectrum, I hope that I can share a few things that I wish I had known or better understood to normalize and encourage you in it.

My Top 5 Lessons and Tips:

1. Start early

We began our search for childcare about mid way through our pregnancy. I could not wrap my head around starting the process any earlier because we were not yet in the "safe" zone and it felt too soon to decide on a place for this little human that I did not even know yet. We quickly learned that we should have put our name on the waiting list when we thought about having a child versus when we were actually pregnant with our child. As crazy as it sounds, we visited place after place that had a 1 year+ waiting list or care ended earlier than we could pick up. We choose to trust that we would find the perfect place, which we did, but boy did we worry here and there that we wouldn't have childcare when we needed to return to work full-time. The school we landed at is actually a charter school with an early education program that showed up on our radar as a recommendation from a friend and not on any list we found. We were blessed with this plan for our family but starting early might have saved us from unnecessary stress.

Tip: Start way earlier than you think you need to so you can feel confident that the place you have chosen best meets the needs and desires of your family. Reach out to friends and ask about their experiences to help you sort through options, and maybe even lead to the perfect hidden gem.

2. Someone else will get the best part of your child's day

Your child's school will care for them in the sweetest ways and engage them in learning through activities and crafts. When we toured centers to take our child too, my burning questions had been - how will you love my child and foster their learning? I soon realized that all of those great crafts and learning activities they do at school, with someone else, are the things I want to be experiencing with my child. While we maximize our time in the evenings and on the weekends, the reality is that for at least 5 days a week, someone else is getting to learn and explore with your little one. Depending on your child, their teachers may also be getting to engage with them during the best part of your child's day. Some days you my feel as though you only get to connect with them during times of transition, prepping for the next day, or end of the day emotions, when one or all of you are worn out.

Tip: Find ways to simplify your routines in the morning and evening to allow for the quality time you desire. Sometimes the laundry just has to pile up so that you can play with your kiddo. And, even if your child is sleeping through the night, you may be still losing sleep to cleaning bottles, food prep, cleaning pump parts, or getting ready for the next day.

3. Save for doctor's visits and time off of work

People warned us that our child would be sick a lot throughout the first year but I do not think I quite understood what they were communicating to us. Our son

has had 3 bouts with fevers, hand foot and mouth, pneumonia, and pink eye - all in 6 months. That doesn't cover the regular old cold and runny noses, and all the times you also get sick. At least once a month, we are navigating an illness, ranging in severity, and even asked our doctor if he had an auto-immune disease because it seemed so off the charts. We learned that pediatricians expect 10-12 rounds of illnesses for a child in daycare during their first year. Go ahead and re-read that. Your child is basically always getting or getting over being sick, on top of normal things like teething and developmental leaps. Honestly, this has been the most challenging part of parenthood for me. It. Is. A. Lot. Some people shared with me that him being sick now is better than when he gets to school which I appreciated for their intent to encourage but I don't know that it is actually true and it doesn't ease how incredibly hard it is/was.

Logistically, we have been thankful that we somewhat planned for illness by saving money for health expenses and reserved some paid leave days just in case he got sick (both benefits that not everyone has). On top of just navigating caring for a sick child and yourselves, the added stress of all of this is, of course, navigating work responsibilities and other commitments, especially if those are harder to navigate remotely. We have missed days and sometimes a week worth of work. Your village and sheer perseverance are key during these times.

Tip: Set expectations early about the possibility of frequent illnesses and how you can best manage these with your employer. Save for time off and money for co-pays to the pediatricians office. Give yourself and your partner loads of grace when they are sick. To the best you can, don't operate from guilt, you are doing the best you can and kids get sick.

4. There are more people in your parenting corner

Our son was 6 months old when we started childcare and despite our early attempts, he never took to the bottle or pacifier. There were a lot of days that he would straight up refuse milk all day long, and would wait to nurse until we got home. (To think that my only fear during pregnancy was what if I couldn't breastfeed like I hoped.) His incredibly kind and loving teacher met him where he was and spoon-fed him his milk. Do you know how labor intensive that is? She did it though - lovingly, and without hesitation. I am grateful that childcare does give you a few more people in your corner during this parenting adventure, that they really see you, make you sweet crafts, and come alongside of you, and probably most of all, that they love your child.

Tip: Allow them to be partners with you. Openly communicate with them about (with zero shame) sleep, eating, and progression of skills so that they can be with you. Don't be afraid to set boundaries or address areas of concern if they arise but balance expectations because the reality is that they are not you and you can only control so much.

5. Maximize your use

Take advantage of being able to have a sick day, be home alone, or go on a date. My husband and I have taken advantage of having childcare, that we are already paying for, a few times and taken a day off of work to go on a date or to enjoy a quiet day alone. You may feel wasteful using a day off in this way, like my husband does, but boy are these day helpful. Carving out some time for yourself or as a couple is a game changer. Also, you don't get sick days as a parent so utilize the ability to drop your child off for a few hours to rest and recover undisturbed.

Tip: Plan a fun day date with your spouse or, if you are like me, a whole day to yourself! Dating your spouse and making space for alone time creates a healthy mental and emotional balance for you.

After 6 months of having my child in someone else's care I admit that I am still sorting it out, deciding if it is worth it, grateful for his teachers and our financial ability to have him where he is, questioning if it is best for us, and making sense of where I feel most called in this season. The beauty of parenting is that you quickly realize you will rarely have perfect answers or even the same answer as someone else, sometimes it is trial and error, with successes sprinkled in there. We have really tried to approach it all with research, humility, gut instinct, and a lot of prayer.

To those researching, considering, and currently in it with navigating care for their child(ren), I am genuinely thinking of you and hope I can be a source of encouragement or cup of conversation for you. You're doing really great, I promise.