I know, I know. You think this is going to be one of those posts...

A NAP.

A TIME OUT.

WINE.

LACK OF WHINE.

Whatever.

Guess again, my caffeine-riddled friend.

Don't get me wrong. I love a great pair of non-Velcro shoes and getting out of the car showered, fully clothed, and childless as much as the next parent, but I think we're throwing the pacifier out with gripe water.

As a breastfeeding mom, my boss is six months old. Oh, I PRETEND to be in charge, with my nap schedule and my carefully introduced solids, but who am I kidding? Around-the-clock interruptions to my sleep, my social life, and my own health have me ready to file a grievance.

My second born defies the sleep books. I think back to my smug superiority as my firstborn napped away at regular intervals (like night-time) and I somehow felt responsible for this trick of fate. Proud. Baby sleeping again? Yay me!

Oh how the changing table has turned.

The only time bébé #2 has come close to the general sleep guidelines was due to a very high fever. I knew she was feeling better when she immediately put the extra rest to use by partying for the next four nights. And she's the happiest baby. She's developing normally. She's just bionic.

I (unfortunately) am not, which brings me to what this mama really wants for Mother's Day (unless you're offering to send my infant to the baby version of Cesar Milan, in which case, let me pack her small bag).

What us tired mamas really want is to be noticed.

To be told that we're doing a good job...

with zero advice and a huge hug.

So, spouses, significant others, kids?

• Grab some construction paper and a pen.
• Fold that paper in half.
• Write "World's Best Mom" on the front.
• On the inside, write the following:

Dear Stunningly Beautiful Youthful You,

Have I mentioned how beautiful you look lately?

I know our baby _________________ (insert your wicked baby's unforgivable sins...Here are a few suggestions: doesn't sleep, screams constantly, projectile vomits on all you love, hates being held, hates being put down, hates Target, spills your coffee) and it's not your fault.

He/she is a jerk sometimes, but you? You are fantastic. You're doing it right.

You're the best mom. I love you more every day and I think you look incredibly sexy in your __________________ (insert the outfit she's always wearing...Here are a few suggestions: printed onesie, high school sweatpants, oversized men's sweater, last year's discount pajamas).

I see you and I appreciate you.

Love you to the moon and back.

Now about that nap.

A version of this post was previously published on www.grumblinggrace.com.

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