My second daughter turns one tomorrow.

1/2 of her life I struggled to connect with her. 1/2 of her life I wasn’t sure I knew how to be her mother. 1/2 of her life I tried to fit her into a box.

For the first 6 months of her life, everything about my parenting, mothering, interacting with this precious child, seemed like a massive failure. We just didn’t click; we couldn’t find our rhythm. Day in and day out, we struggled.

I just wanted her to be like her sister. To be like my friend’s easy baby. To not be so difficult. To just make sense to me. She did none of that. She questioned my core. She made me feel weak. She made me feel inadequate.

This child broke me. She made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew about being a parent. She made me reevaluate everything I knew about myself.

Yet we continued to do the dance — because you can’t not dance when you are a parent — until finally, we clicked. She took the lead, she created our rhythm. I had to relinquish all the control that I so desperately loved in order to click with this second child of mine.

So yes, you’ve learned it. She’s strong willed. And God love her for that.

She couldn’t be any more different then my first child. Or any other child I know. And that’s ok. At least now I know it’s ok.

They say children choose their mothers. So, she chose me. And yours chose you, too.

It took me 1/2 of her life, 6 months-24 weeks, to say that I am happy she chose me.

And if it takes you 6 seconds, 6 minutes, 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years or 6 decades to truly understand your child — that’s ok too. Keep dancing. You will find your rhythm.

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby, Sage.