Every parent will inevitably find themselves in a situation where they long to go out for a particular event, but don’t know whether it’s appropriate to bring their newborn with them. Knowing when you should leave your baby behind is one of the most aggravating questions that most mothers and fathers face, but a few key tips can help you when the time for decision-making comes.

Here’s how you can know when to leave your baby behind, what kind of events it’s acceptable (or even desirable) to bring them to, and some strategies that may make it easier for you to get some away time for your kids.

Learning to deal with the anxiety

If it’s your first time considering leaving your baby behind when going out, you’re likely feeling a great bit of anxiety. This is completely natural; fathers and mothers of newborns will practically be obsessive about their child, for good reasons, even after they’ve left the house. Your entire night out or event could be ruined if you’re racked by anxiety for the entirety of it. Thus, learning how to give yourself some peace of mind and find confidence when you do leave your child behind is the first step towards leaving them behind in a healthy and safe fashion.

First and foremost, if you do decide to leave your baby behind for whatever event you’re considering, you’ll need to thoroughly vet the caretakers who will be in charge of your beloved child when you’re gone. Regardless of whether you end up going out and leaving your child behind or not, it’s worth your time to read up on how to find a reliable baby sitter who can be trusted with the life of your infant. Only when you’re confident that your child is in good hands while you’re away can you truly learn to leave them behind without becoming a nervous wreck.

Sometimes, it’s worth bringing your child with you when you go out. Other times, however, it’s decisively not; a crying baby at a wedding, for instance, can cause huge strife between you and the friends who invited you. Figuring out when it’s appropriate to have your toddler tag along with you isn’t easy, but it’s a necessary part of being a parent. One of the first things you’ll want to learn how to do is be upfront; if you’re invited as a guest to someone else’s house, event, or party, it’s probably worth asking them what their policy on children is.

Some people won’t be comfortable with kids in their home, for instance, and for others it simply might be dangerous to welcome young ones into their abode, workplace, or event. For parents who are politically involved and thinking about partaking in civic discourse or public events like marching, you’ll definitely want to do your research ahead of time. Certain political events can spiral out of control, and even descend into riots – it goes without saying that such events should be avoided if you’re still clinging to your baby when you go out.

There’s no universal answer to this question

For moms and dads tearing their hair out over whether to leave the baby behind for a wedding, party, or even just a small brunch meeting, it’s important to know that there’s no universal right answer to this question. Sometimes, your family friend who’s A-Okay with you bringing your baby to the party might not be onboard for a special holiday get together. Alternatively, friends and hosts who were once downright hostile to the idea of you bringing your baby with you can and will warm up to the idea overtime. Many parents have stories about their babies being shunned from social gatherings by their friends, only to have said friends warm up to the little tykes and even demand their presence at the next dinner party.

If you’re a real socialite who goes to plenty of parties, it’s worth taking some time to enjoy a deep-dive into the quandary of bringing babies to adult parties specifically focused around adult activities, like intense conservations or drinking. If you’re really having separation anxiety, there’s also another useful strategy you can follow that will help you part with your child on amiable terms when the time comes to head out to a dinner party or another event.

Learning how to leave your young child over at someone else’s place for sleepovers will soon become an important aspect of your life. That little baby you have now will soon grow, and you’ll need to separate with them a little eventually. The first sleepover experience is important, and very similar to the challenge of leaving your baby when you go out yourself. Just remember that leaving your child behind isn’t the end of the world, and that as long as they’re in safe, trusted hands you can rest assured and enjoy the one night out you’ll get all month.