Who am I? The question lingers in the air. Some days it's much easier to answer, "who am I not?".

I am...

a wife to Jeff.

a friend to many.

a daughter to some.

a mother to my children.

I am...

weak.

strong.

brave.

scared.

I am...

lost.

found.

wandering.

home.

I am the mama who lost her son. I am a grief mama. I am changed. I am not the mom I once was. I smile through tears. I fight for joy when it does not come easy. I have all the photos I ever will have of my dear son. I cling to precious memories. I choose grace and forgivenness over doubts and regrets. I remind myself to breath when the heaviness of grief threatens. I am not done yet. I press on. I am choosing to live my best life. I am convinced that life is too short to look back with regrets. So I will love the children I have now. I will tell them about their brother. I will not let his life nor his death be forgotten. I will speak his name. This grief journey that I am on may be my bitter, but the joy that I choose within it is so very sweet.

I am not...

defined by grief.

letting sorrow win.

afraid to love.

alone.

I am...

Thao's mom.