I know everyone is making jokes about only wanting a break for Mother’s Day, but it’s much more than a joke at this point- believe me.

I know looking from the outside, you may think a mother who just wants to be away from her kids sounds unkind and selfish.

I know having children is a blessing

I know people try so so hard to conceive and struggle so much and would do anything to trade places with me

I know my children are a priceless gift from God

I know all this but I also know that I’m so beyond what normal exhaustion is that I feel at a moments notice I may just burst

I also know that especially this past year my patience has been tested over and over to a point where I feel numb- unattached- drifting

I feel like a robot that is simply fulfilling task after task waiting until its’ battery dies only to recharge and do it all over again. I see no finish line and recharging myself simply isn’t cutting it.

Senseless
Hopeless
Failing

I’ll tell you that I feel claustrophobic every morning when I get up

I’ll tell you that I’m drowning in mom guilt every night once my littles are asleep

I’ll tell you that I go into their rooms once they’ve drifted off because that’s the only time I feel I can enjoy sitting next to them and admire them fully - when they’re not shouting demands at me

I’ll tell you that being a mother is so hard that it’s pushed me to crave feeling lonely

So when you see those jokes about mothers just wanting a break, believe them

I’m not a bad mom for just wanting to be away and alone and unattached to the idea of being someone else’s lifeline

I’m a mother who is suffocating and so far beyond depletion and I still love my kids with every bone in my body

I’m consumed by motherhood but I am also grateful

I can be both