Have you ever sat down and had a cross-generational conversation?

No?

Me neither. Well, "me neither" until just a few days ago when I spent an entire hour with a real live Gen Z’er and grilled her with questions in hopes of deciphering all those pesky things that cause me to growl at the heavens, “Get off my lawn!!!” I met Sydney, my expert witness, at Bunco of all things. At 22, she was much too young to be at a Bunco sub but, for some reason, we gravitated to one another.

Sydney seemed like an old soul and perhaps that matched my young soul. We set up a time to get to know each other and it was one of my best moves ever.

Why do this? No really, why? Can’t those of us over the age of 40 (okay, fine, 50) just eye-roll those mortified-by-our-behavior Gen Z’ers right back into their lane?

An eye-roll doesn’t cost a thing…but it does create a gap in back-and-forth conversations and, at times, relationships.

Do we really want or need that gap? Our go-to answer tends to be a shrug. I have agreed with that shrug in the past but my opinion is evolving as I see the benefits of maintaining relationships with those around me and, specifically, those pesky youngsters. I also have been witness to some of those Gen Z’ers who have struggled with things that I find easy and logic tells me that I should use my experience to move them forward. This all makes me wonder why we (those pesky elders) don’t make a better effort to stay close to those growing up in our wake.

But what does that mean, really?

I guess being a mostly silent mentor. Not like a formal one with a regular meeting scheduled to review, critique, and advise those incoming generations, but becoming a mentor by decreasing those eye rolls and increasing those invitations to share. There is, as it turns out, wisdom in those cross-generational conversations.

Women need women.

We always have and we always will, regardless of age differences.

Women need women.

These were the same words given to the twelve who attended my annual tea party a few Sundays ago. This annual tea was an event kicked off a few years ago as a moment to pull a few women from different parts of my life together and to open that door to conversations about our shared struggles and successes. We’ve become so accustomed to the pressure of a perfect appearance that we often forget to share our failures and sing our wins.

This year’s tea party was three times the size of the first one. This year, there were two Gen Alpha’s at the table. I was a bit nervous to invite them but I also wanted both to see just how beneficial those female relationships can be. Women need women, even if those women are thirty years our younger or vice versa. At tea’s end, I want all to look around the table and think “Oh, if I have a problem, I could quite literally reach out to any of these women for advice.”

Do you remember when that feeling was the norm?

When did we lose it? And what can we do to get it back? My guess is that we can start with a simple conversation over, for instance, a cup of tea.

But back to my Ask a Gen Z session. Sydney is about a thousand years younger than me and also very wise. She was the perfect person to bridge the gap between myself, a Gen X’er, and the Gen Z’ers. Sydney handled my questions like a total champ and really only raised her eyebrows a half-dozen times.

We talked about social media and why Boba is the devil’s work (I was also schooled for calling it “Boba Tea” rather than just “Boba”). We talked about the pandemic and how we Gen X’ers seem to want the Gen Z’ers to admit to more trauma than they actually have because of it. We talked about the difficulties Gen Z’ers have in navigating conflict, a likely side effect of their beautiful ability to be incredibly accepting of all those around them.

We talked about so many interesting things but one has really stuck with me: the Gen Z's dismay over why we Gen X'ers insist on packing lives far too full.

This point came in a discussion about ambitions and led Sydney to admit that her generation often looks at ours with a bit of “What the eff- ness?” as they watch us zip around while proclaiming how busy we are and how exhausted we are and how many things we have to do. Her next words?

“It’s like you think you get a gold medal for being the busiest.”

Ignoring the insinuation that I’m not getting a gold medal, that statement hit me in my agenda spot.

Sydney suggested that we all find at least one day per week to do absolutely nothing. My normal reaction to that would normally be shocked and appalled. Now that I’ve pondered it, I think it’s brilliant and obvious and why are we not all doing this?!?!?! Why are we not giving ourselves more time to decompress? Why are we so determined to keep our calendar so jam-packed that we pass right over that need for a regular pause? Why does stopping for an hour or a day or several days seem like a total failure?

In the land of delivery everything shouldn't we have so much more time to simply be still? Why aren't we?!

Did you know that being a sloth for a day is not a failure? Did you know that, even if you have to (eye roll) schedule a day to be dull, it is still a very good idea? That is a takeaway that will surely sit with me while I map out 2024 and remove some of those must-dos, replacing them with a much better must-do: nothing.

Yes, take a moment to sit and do absolutely nothing in the coming days, weeks, months, always.

And then? Make sure you do it again and again.