I wanted desperately to breastfeed. Unfortunately, I didn't know that my breastmilk was not coming in, and my poor child was basically starving the first 4 days. I had my first son at age 42 and 2nd at age 45. Both were wonderful pregnancies and births. I was 3,000 miles from family; not very deeply involved in any local community except at my job for the first one. I had been away from babies & children for years, living my adult-centered, me-centered life. Due to my fear that the discharging doctor would " make" me bottle fee, I didn't want to go back to him. I met another mom at a grocery store who saw me near tears as we discussed feeding. She shared the name of an amazing doctor who was also committed to breastfeeding. We tried pumping, fenugreek, and whatever we could to increase breastmilk production; but also supplemented with a bottle. I wish I hadn't feared the bottle so much so my baby could've had a more satisfying first week.