This is for all of us who have ever wondered, even if just for a moment, if maybe we were being punished. I've been there. I walked that walk after the death of my brother so very long ago and wandered, seemingly alone and scared in the recesses of my mind, and wondered if perhaps I was being punished. It wasn't until the word autism blipped on my radar, that a tiny part of me remembered what it was like to revolt again. What does He want?
Why? The million dollar question that has been asked millions of times and yet, there are no answers, no logical reasons, no verbal reassurances. There are those statements offered that leave one questioning their lot in life. God has a good plan for you, He knew you could handle this, God gave you Amos so you could learn something. Learn what? There have been so many things and though I think my son is perfectly wonderful, these statements leave me feeling the subject of cruel punishment and then guilty for even thinking that terribleness.
Tunnel vision is a slippery slope and most of us fall down into the abyss of hopelessness before we are even aware. We allow our circumstances to lead us astray and then we wander aimlessly, feeling naked in the wilderness and subject to great calamity, whether it be death, sickness, divorce, everyday life and yes, even autism or the lack of a diagnosis. This morning I made a list of all the things of which I am thankful for and there is a copious amount. So many that I had forgotten or let float past me and yet, the list of them tells me how very much I am loved.
Tonight, make a list and like me, you may find that the light at the other end of the tunnel is so very breathtaking if only you take note as you fall.
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