The traditional means of having a guilt trip is to have one person lay a guilt trip on another. Person ONE will say or do something to incite a specific abnormal behavior from Person TWO. It's manipulation at it's finest.

I have a talent I don't talk about often, but I am going to admit it right now, for the sake of education. I can feel guilty all on my own. It's true. It's because in the past, I've tried to please everyone and I've tried to do it all.

I've worked in some capacity since my kids were born. I went back to work when each of our kids was five months old. The majority of my working has been full-time, with a two-hour commute and kids in daycare. When I've worked full-time, it has been an internal tug-o-war. THE JOB is on one side, and THE KIDS are on the other side. I am in the middle feeling the pull from both directions. When I lean more in one direction, I have guilt about what I am neglecting. As a result, it seems I only succeed at work or parenting half the time.

I am going to make some gross generalizations here, but share this to make a point. With a dual income household, let's assume both parents share the load of parenting. The division of responsibilities varies from couple to couple, of course. But, it seems like women take on more at home because they feel compelled, out of duty, to do so.

My trying-to-do-it-all and resulting guilt trip might be due to my personality. It could also be what society dictates. It might be a combination of the two. Why, when both my husband and I are working, am I the one who feels bad that I can't make it to a school function or after-school event? Why do I have remorse when our kids go to after-school care while other kids go home? Is their summer ruined because I can't drive them to their friend's house or take them for a day at the beach?

Why can't my husband take on these regretful feelings? He could. He might. If he does, he has never shown it.

A couple of years ago, I decided to reexamine my life. The working mom role I was playing left me tired, resentful and frustrated. I wanted to be less emotional about my circumstances. I started being realistic and stopped trying to be everything to everyone. I prioritized. Most of all, I stopped apologizing for what I wasn't doing.

When I felt less successful at balancing work and motherhood+, I started to write. I jotted down goals, qualities, things that would always be my top priority. I pieced together a manifesto. I created my ideal future; one where guilt had no home, a place where pleasing everyone wasn't an option.

Some phrases that rose to the top in my manifesto include ensuring much of my fun is also my job. I will keep humor and music ever present. Goals include finishing strong, getting published, and always being active. Promises include teaching humility, cherishing family, and riding this life-wave with my friends. Most of all I pledged to love myself with a kung fu grip.

I put together five mantras that continue to keep me grounded, and on the right path to this future I have dreamed of:

-Laugh. Also known as "Be Positive." The point is, don’t get to the point where you are only seeing what you aren’t doing. Instead, recognize and celebrate winning moments. Make light of each day and laugh every moment you can. It's good for you.

-Train. Physical fitness feeds my soul. When I nurture my body, my mind follows suit. Exercising will also relieve the pressure of needing to be mom+. No matter how busy I get, I must make time for self-care.

-Be Present. We all know that life is too short. Be grateful for what you have and what you've worked for thus far. Pick your head up and notice what is happening around you, then join in.

-Do. I always want to work in some capacity. Whether a paid job, volunteer work or achieving personal goals, I get a pep in my step when I am useful and can complete something.

-Love. Family and friends are everything. I'll continue to make sure they know it, until the end of time.

Start painting a picture of your ideal future with words and phrases. Then categorize them and create a couple of words that you can reference; words that will motivate you to keep moving forward.