He does a million things to adapt and learn how to behave to “appropriately” interact with your kids. We have behavior intervention plans, special pull-out classes to work on social skills, modeling, redirecting, social stories, occupational therapy etc. etc. etc.

Can I ask some weird questions? What do you and your kids do to learn to hang out in his world? To interact in a way that’s meaningful to him? To learn how to slow down, be patient, offer different options or accommodate the game/activity? Are you willing to do things a little differently? Are you willing to read about it, learn and reconsider some stereotypes and misconceptions you may have? Have your kids ever interacted with someone with disabilities? They may have to adapt and modify to find a way to communicate differently and to include meaningfully.

It’s been a hard day. There is such much pressure and expectation on him (and us the parents) to learn and teach behaviors but where are the lessons, the interventions, the intentional modeling etc. etc. etc. for the kids to learn how to be friends with Carter.

If no one meets us in the middle, can we really blame the child when he acts out with maladaptive behaviors in an effort to connect?

If behaviors are communication, then what if he is screaming for belonging and authentic friendship?

Inclusion is all good and great but only to the extent that ALL parties are willing to learn and adapt together.