I asked my teenage daughters, “How many hours a day are you not in front of a screen?” My seventeen year old said, “Hours? If I’m being honest, none.” My fifteen-year-old refused to give a number. “Well, if you count the time I’m on my computer for school…,” she said and tried to convince me that most of her screen time was spent doing her homework.

At the beginning of the pandemic the three of us coped by doing what made us feel good. I baked and walked. They scrolled and clicked. I was aware that their consumption of social media was excessive. Aware that it made them feel better and feel worse. I turned a blind eye to it and excused it as pandemic behavior.

But months and months passed. One hunkered in the basement all day, the other in her bedroom. The only time I saw them was to eat. Being on their screen all day became normal. I was concerned. “Don’t be,” my younger daughter said. “Everyone’s on their phone all day. There’s nothing else to do.” I disagreed.

I made a rule that for one hour a day they needed to be device-free. They struggled to think of ways to spend the hour. “Take the dogs for a walk, read a book, clean your room, draw,” I suggested. There was eye-rolling.

One of them read an entire book in two days and went beyond her one hour minimum. The other one got up early to run. They organized their closet together listening to Taylor Swift. They talked, laughed, and fought. Sounds I haven’t heard since they were little and didn’t have the lure of a phone. I basked in my amazing parenting skills.

But the hour was hard to police. They wanted to split up the time. Or they wanted to take the dogs for a twenty minute walk and call it “time served.” I thought about making a chart and having them check off a box with how they spent the time but it seemed like a lot of work--for me, so I was weak and let my new initiative fade away.

I told myself that as soon as the pandemic was over things would return to normal. But ten months later, I’m worried that we’re not going back to normal device use. I’m compelled to do something but my mom guilt stops me.

My older daughter is missing out on her senior year. No Homecoming, games, Spirit Week and time spent with friends in hallways and classes making memories. My younger daughter thrives on structure and social interaction and has neither right now. They think their phone connects them to their friends and the world outside of our house. But I see them alone, unconnected, and lost in an abyss of online distraction.

I don’t want to regret not acting. I want to do the right thing. I just don’t know what that is. My first step is to pull out the markers and make a chart. And then buy star stickers. I anticipate eye rolling but I need to stay strong. As strong as their compulsion to be on their device.