By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea

Have you ever considered why your friends are your friends? What is it about those particular people that draws you toward them and them toward you? Among the people you meet, how do you decide which of them you want to invest time in to develop a friendship? Certainly logistics of how often you see that person and whether or not you have common interests come into play but what is the secret ingredient that tips a person from being an acquaintance to being a buddy? There’s a secret to friendship that goes beyond shared experiences and interests.

I (Nadine) play a game in my teen social skills groups called Talk Show Host. The teens take turns being the talk show host and guest. We prepare them by discussing some of the greats like Jimmy Fallon or Ellen Degeneres. If needed, we will also write a list of interests or facts that we know about this person to prepare for the interview. Then we share the secret.

Good friends genuinely care about the life of the other person. They ask about and listen with interest to the good, the bad and the mundane without overly discussing themselves.

If you watch talk show hosts interview their guests, they are excited to see that person, they lean forward when interacting, they show interest with laughter or follow up questions. What they don’t usually do is talk about themselves. They also don’t give unwanted advice or tell the person about mistakes they’ve made. When we play Talk Show Host, kids have an opportunity to practice the secret of friendship with their “guest”.

They listen, show interest and care about the other person. That, above all else, is the secret to friendship.

Nadine Briggs, Director of Simply Social Kids and Donna Shea, Founder of the Peter Pan Center for Social and Emotional Growth are authors of the How to Make and Keep Friends books series. They specialize in creating simple tips that teach kids with social challenges the social language of friendship.

Connect with Briggs and Shea on www.howtomakeandkeepfriends.com, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

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