A few day's ago I was watching a fellow special needs mom story on Instagram. Like most day's she was giving a real insight on what it's like to raise multiple kiddos on the Autism spectrum.

She was asked what would be her advice to the parent of a child who was recently diagnosed.

What she said next about grief was not what I was expecting but it stuck with me.

She said, if we are being truly honest with ourselves, we are not grieving the life our child may never have, we are grieving the life we felt entitled to.

She knows that was never meant to have a typical life.

Once she accepted this is the life she was given, she acknowledged that no one took anything from her.

As I closed the app tears immediately started to flood my face. I knew she was right.

You see my son Kanen is 3 and was diagnosed on the spectrum last fall. Since his diagnosis I’ve been stuck in the thick of grief.

I couldn’t understand why?

Why I was chosen for this life? Why my son? Why us?

Why Autism?

I couldn’t come to terms with it, and if were being honest a lot of the times I didn’t want to.

I felt I was entitled to a typical life. Entitled to all the things in parenthood that we most look forward too.

Graduation, college, marriage, grandkids.

I felt like I was being punished. I felt like I was being robbed of life’s “best” moments.

But I'm not. They just weren’t meant for me.

This life with my son Kanen is.