The last bubble beard hit me like a Mac truck going 70 on the off ramp tonight.

One second I was nursing while my baby boy smiled and cooed and looked at me like I was the only woman in his world, and now I'm somehow sitting in a chair in the far corner of our bathroom, trying to soak in what may very well be the last giggly bubble beard my boy gets excited to show me...

because he isn't a baby anymore, friends.

Every day he becomes more man than boy as he picks trail riding over training wheels,

Running with friends over early morning cuddles,

Doing it himself over asking for help,

And a million other examples of how his boyhood seems to be daily vanishing right in front of me.

Some days, as he struggles to assert himself, steadying the legs of his independence; he makes a mistake, falls down, and ultimately decided that he needs his mama.

I love those moments, though I'd never tell him because I want to empower him to make his own way as much as he feels comfortable.

As I ready myself for his launch into his own life, his own friends, his own love for adventure and exploring and everything that keeps a mama up at night, I can't help but sit back and think of...

How he looked slumped over in his Jump-a-roo after joyfully bouncing himself to sleep because he hasn't stopped moving since he was a blip on the ultrasound screen...

How totally insane he has made me as he's pushed against rules, challenged boundaries, and stretched limits since before he could talk...

How desperately he has always wanted to feel/look/act tough, flexing his "muscle bumps" and standing up for his sister, his hamster, or basically anyone/anything against which he felt injustice had been dealt...

How incredibly sweet and thoughtful he's always been since he picked the first fuzzy dandelion to proudly present as an offering of love to his mama...

How his tender heart has cried more days than not because he feels deeply--about almost everything, and how his dad and I have struggled to learn to validate feelings, though that isn't how we grew up but we know how desperately he needs to know he's okay exactly as he is...

How proud he looked when he did his first wheelie, built his first campfire, made a teepee in the yard, helped his little sister learn her letters, and won his very first basketball game...

Friends, I know he isn't going off to college, or getting married, or moving out.

Not yet.

But it will come sooner than I'm ready.

And today, just for a minute, I want to allow myself to sit in these feelings...

Not to wish them away or assume I have forever,

Not to dismiss my feelings with a thoughtless reminder that 'I'll miss this one day,'

Or a feeble attempt to distract myself from the lake of water he's splashed outside of the tub or the landmine of Legos still scattered across his bedroom floor...

None of that.

I just want to encourage myself (and you) that when we get flooded with these forward flashes of what life might be like when...

That we allow ourselves enough time to slow down, sip our coffee, and feel whatever it is that comes up.

Sure, I am lucky enough to still have a few years of sporting events, school dances, and late night study sessions with my boy...

but I know how quickly it will go by and how one day I will have a hard time remembering how crazy he drove me, but his bubble beard...THIS bubble beard will be a memory I never want to forget. ❤️

-B.

Follow me for hilarious mom truths, or join our community!